I got a new car stereo the other day. One of those new voice activated ones. You say 'rock' it plays rock, you say 'rap' and it plays rap. Some kids ran in front of my car the other day i yelled...

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she had been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a...

A proper English gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told the girl that he didn't have any cash with him, but that he...

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie...

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in the first class carriage of a train. The man sneezes, pulls out his penis and wipes the tip. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides...

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "I'm going to...

On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished. "Look what I've done, Jess," he said...

Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further...

One day when returning from school the 6 year old girl politely asked her dad- "daddy where did I come from?" The girls dad had been preparing for this question for a long time and so began talking...

Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex. The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you...

Husband : (Returning late form work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in." Wife : Have you brought the ring ? Husband : Bad command or file name. Wife : But I told you in the morn... Husband :...

Uncle Sam, a Canadian, and Osama bin Laden are walking down the beach when they find a genie's lamp. The Canadian rubs it and a genie pops out and gives them all a wish. The Canadian goes first. He...

Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Female Employee: "And I'm a woman." Oldest Employee:...

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman and seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?" The man...

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss." The husband decided to take the...

Baap beti se: Pehle tum mujh ko papa kahte the ab dady kuyn kahte hoo, Kiya wajah hia ? Beti: Papa kehne se lipstick jo kharab hoo jate hai!

There were two Russian presidents and George Bush. The first Russian president dropped a star on his country and said, "God I love my country." The second Russian president dropped a star on his...

A man ran into a lady by the lobby and said, "If your heart is as soft as your boobs you will forgive me" and she replied saying, "if your dick is a hard as your elbow I am in Room 112".

The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. "And don't get a drop of paint on your habits," she sternly admonishes. The two nuns decide that the only way they will...

Two women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to an old...