A duck walks into a bar with a rabbi on his head.

“What''s the deal?” the bartender asks.

The duck says, “It''s opposite day.”

Horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper.

The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to...

A penguin walks into the shop and says have you got any apple and the shop keeper says no.

The next day he again goes and asks for some apples,...

Once two zebras were sitting. One zebra asked the other zebra: Am I white with black stripes or am I black with white stripes?

The other replied...

One day a poor old lady found a dollar and with that dollar she bought a lottery ticket. She won the lottery! She bought a house and a dog. She said to herself, "What should I name my house?" And she...

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man...

A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?" The second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I...

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, "Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the...

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to...

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he...

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly...

A gorilla was walking through a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared, Who is the king of the jungle?, and the deer replied, Oh, you are, Master. The...

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. So, Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is, 10 miles away, so the...

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, Hey lady, you are really ugly. The lady was furious! She stormed past the...

Two snakes were talking. The first snake said Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they are dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush...

The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. 'I have two talking female parrots,' she tells him. 'All they can say is 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'' ...

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you...

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just...

A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber. She concluded he wasn't...

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!" The second says, "Well I'm so tough,...