Tell-tale signs of a downturn in the Stock market... => NASDAQ seen in waterfront dive getting gooned on port shooters. => You've just called your investment house and the first thing they tell you...

* Owner's handbooks would have over 1300 pages and weigh over 3 pounds. * Certain features would be unavailable on test drives (e.g. speeds exceeding 20Km/h, reverse gear, heater, etc). * Guarantees...

Hi Friends, This is first of its kind CIV (client interactive virus) Dear Receiver, You have just received a Pakistani virus. Since we are not so technologically advanced , this is a MANUAL virus....

A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message. She...

If Life Were Like A Computer: You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could...

What is a computer's first sign of old age? Loss of memory. What does a baby computer call his father? Data. What is an astronaut's favourite key on a computer keyboard? The space bar. What...

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's Desk Jet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other...

ORIGAMI Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you...

Windows 95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit...

A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible. "Well," she said. "The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of...

The software engineering field is staffed primarily by men; the ratio of male to female software engineers is on the order of 15 to 1. This makes it pretty easy for women to find potential mates...

A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs. "The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and...

The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like...

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together travelling through stormy conditions. Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and...

* When you look at every greeting card as a possible tag. * When you buy a new coat, and tell others it's your new Raster Layer. * When you see a frown on someone's face & you tell them to put a...

It's time to turn your computer off and read a book when.... 1. You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 2. You name your children Eudora, AOL...

Top Ten Ways A Computer Nerd Can Impress His Date 10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your colour laser printer and top-notch graphics program. 9. Spend an evening playing...

Dear Editor, I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber. My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes...

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.